The Power of Words

Go to YouTube (or the video bar above) and search The Power of Words, by purplecontent. It's the one with the blind man.

It is a very moving video that is short but I guarantee that it will effect you.

Image is everything...

Lately, all I've been doing is feeling sorry for myself. I'm not satisfied about myself at all. I look in the mirror and I hate the reflection it gives me. I see nothing but a fat person...big butt, big thighs, thick calves, man arms, a big nose and bulging stomach. I can't help but notice all the flaws in my life.

I'm not musically talented as others...I suck at sports...watching them makes me want to shoot myself in the foot...I have mediocre grades...everything about me is average. Nobody knows who I am, I'm just a face in the crowd, a flower on the wall.

I'm a nobody, people always tell me that they like me the way I am. But how can I accept it, when I don't even accept it myself.

No matter how much I try to accept myself, I look in the mirror and hate what I see. I don't know why I can't accept myself. I've tried looking at the good things in my life. But it only helps for a while, I need a longer lasting pain reliever. I need one, I can't take anymore of this.

I can't take it anymore. The constant comparing to others better than me by my parents, the fact that I don't have a real relationship with ANY of my family members. My sister has no interest in whatever I do, she's thinks everything I do is a mistake and stupid; whether it be my relationships or just wanting to have fun. She's the model child, the child that my parents want. I'm just a nuisance, I talk back all the time and never do anything right in their eyes. It always, "you could do better" on everything. And my parents don't understand how many secrets I have to keep because if I told them; it would make it worse and make them think even more less of me, they think they know the real me: but they have no clue. They know nothing of what I'm going through, and they wouldn't understand. Growing up for them, is totally different from how I'm growing up. They really don't know me.

I don't even know myself.

I can't talk to anyone about this, I'm always the listener never the speaker.

I have no identity, I have no individuality, I'm a nobody.

I may seem pathetic and seem like I'm not really trying to improve myself, but I really have. I have nowhere to go now. I'm stuck where I am, I've buried myself too deep...

oh dear...

So the whole single thing didn't really work out haha

I'm dating a guy two years younger than me, and he's amazing; I couldn't ask for a better guy >.<...except there is one BIG problem...

He's got a clingy ex-girlfriend, so yeah maybe this is normal, but she only b*tches at him and complains. She even tries to blame him for not having friends, which is a total lie because she is always surrounded by her friends. It stresses him out so much, he says that it's the biggest stress factor in his life.

What's worse about it, is that she doesn't even realize what she's doing to him...

I hate this...my friend has it worse though...

My friend's boyfriend always talks with his ex-girlfriends, yet he says he hates them. He even hangs out with them too...one of them said that they would break up with their current boyfriend to get back together with him. The ex claims to have a "special" bond with him...PULEEZE...this is high school! What happens in high school usually doesn't go any farther than that...except in those that defy the odds.

This is so frustrating...it's made the week so stressful and depressing.

Oh well, Shorty signing off...

So much for keeping up with my blog...>.<.

I've been really bad at keeping stuff posted and stuff, I'll try to better. Though I say that now haha, I just can never think of anything to write about unfortunately. Oh well, I guess I can start by putting up a picture of a Korean Hottie! ^.^






So Hot! .>.<.
=> Xiah from DBSK <3

Seriously contemplating on staying single...

Just gonna rant in this post, sorry, you've been warned.







So this started around the time I got back from vacation, which was around the middle of August. My boyfriend was convinced that I had "changed" since I came back, which I think isn't true. He claims that I'm acting different and that I'm not my usual self. I know he doesn't know the truth because he doesn't know who I really am, I found I'm good at lying to certain people about who I really am; he was one of them. So he kept going on and on about that and then when I started school he claimed that we didn't see each other enough. For him it was; you had to see each other at least 2-3 times a week, which is ridiculous. Our schedules don't match up since he works like all day and I can't see him in the evenings because I'm studying for school. He still complains, so he said that we should take a break. I was actually relieved, it gave me time to think, so now I realize that I don't like him that way anymore. I actually may have never liked him, I know I said "I love you" to him but I think it was because he said "I love you" to me after a few weeks of dating. I'm only in high school so I don't want too much of a commitment, probably later on in life since my goal is to travel the world to work, and I can't have a family or anything else that will hold me down. I only have a sister and a bunch of cousins, which is okay because when I get older I don't have to see them everyday and it wouldn't hurt their feelings. In fact, I don't see them very often now, I see my sister everyday but most of the time we don't even talk to each other. It doesn't mean I hate my sister though, I really do love her and my mom and dad but they are family, not a boyfriend, kids or a husband. Now whenever we talk, he just brings up on how I'm different and himself. For example, I told him what colleges were my number colleges because he asked and when I said I wanted to go to the farthest one, he commented back saying, "just want to distance yourself from me and your family" this happens every time. I'm sick of it, I really want to tell him to back off and that I'm never getting back together with him. I probably should do that in person though, and not over text like he did when he said we should take a break. Why do relationships have to be so complicated for me?


I'm sorry for this rant, I just needed to get it off my chest. It probably doesn't make sense either, sorry again. Hope you all have better luck with love than me.

Rain and Iron?!?! :P

Korean Word of the Day:

다림질 (darimjil)[da-rim-jil]

iron

Korean Hottie:

BI!! (Rain)




PLUS: He's got a pretty good looking body too!! >.< That's all for today, good night internet world!! <3

Korean Word of the Day and Korean Hottie!!

So I'm gonna try having a Korean word of the day (which will be really random) along with a Korean Hottie!!

Korean Word of the Day!

전원 (jeonwon)

on/off

Korean Hottie!

Jonghyun from SHINee



Well that's all for today!! Good night!! <3