Image is everything...

Lately, all I've been doing is feeling sorry for myself. I'm not satisfied about myself at all. I look in the mirror and I hate the reflection it gives me. I see nothing but a fat person...big butt, big thighs, thick calves, man arms, a big nose and bulging stomach. I can't help but notice all the flaws in my life.

I'm not musically talented as others...I suck at sports...watching them makes me want to shoot myself in the foot...I have mediocre grades...everything about me is average. Nobody knows who I am, I'm just a face in the crowd, a flower on the wall.

I'm a nobody, people always tell me that they like me the way I am. But how can I accept it, when I don't even accept it myself.

No matter how much I try to accept myself, I look in the mirror and hate what I see. I don't know why I can't accept myself. I've tried looking at the good things in my life. But it only helps for a while, I need a longer lasting pain reliever. I need one, I can't take anymore of this.

I can't take it anymore. The constant comparing to others better than me by my parents, the fact that I don't have a real relationship with ANY of my family members. My sister has no interest in whatever I do, she's thinks everything I do is a mistake and stupid; whether it be my relationships or just wanting to have fun. She's the model child, the child that my parents want. I'm just a nuisance, I talk back all the time and never do anything right in their eyes. It always, "you could do better" on everything. And my parents don't understand how many secrets I have to keep because if I told them; it would make it worse and make them think even more less of me, they think they know the real me: but they have no clue. They know nothing of what I'm going through, and they wouldn't understand. Growing up for them, is totally different from how I'm growing up. They really don't know me.

I don't even know myself.

I can't talk to anyone about this, I'm always the listener never the speaker.

I have no identity, I have no individuality, I'm a nobody.

I may seem pathetic and seem like I'm not really trying to improve myself, but I really have. I have nowhere to go now. I'm stuck where I am, I've buried myself too deep...