Life is full of surprises, so take them head on!

The Power of Words

2011-04-11T19:31:00.000-07:00

Go to YouTube (or the video bar above) and search The Power of Words, by purplecontent. It's the one with the blind man.

It is a very moving video that is short but I guarantee that it will effect you.

Image is everything...

2011-03-04T23:34:00.000-08:00

Lately, all I've been doing is feeling sorry for myself. I'm not satisfied about myself at all. I look in the mirror and I hate the reflection it gives me. I see nothing but a fat person...big butt, big thighs, thick calves, man arms, a big nose and bulging stomach. I can't help but notice all the flaws in my life.

I'm not musically talented as others...I suck at sports...watching them makes me want to shoot myself in the foot...I have mediocre grades...everything about me is average. Nobody knows who I am, I'm just a face in the crowd, a flower on the wall.

I'm a nobody, people always tell me that they like me the way I am. But how can I accept it, when I don't even accept it myself.

No matter how much I try to accept myself, I look in the mirror and hate what I see. I don't know why I can't accept myself. I've tried looking at the good things in my life. But it only helps for a while, I need a longer lasting pain reliever. I need one, I can't take anymore of this.

I can't take it anymore. The constant comparing to others better than me by my parents, the fact that I don't have a real relationship with ANY of my family members. My sister has no interest in whatever I do, she's thinks everything I do is a mistake and stupid; whether it be my relationships or just wanting to have fun. She's the model child, the child that my parents want. I'm just a nuisance, I talk back all the time and never do anything right in their eyes. It always, "you could do better" on everything. And my parents don't understand how many secrets I have to keep because if I told them; it would make it worse and make them think even more less of me, they think they know the real me: but they have no clue. They know nothing of what I'm going through, and they wouldn't understand. Growing up for them, is totally different from how I'm growing up. They really don't know me.

I don't even know myself.

I can't talk to anyone about this, I'm always the listener never the speaker.

I have no identity, I have no individuality, I'm a nobody.

I may seem pathetic and seem like I'm not really trying to improve myself, but I really have. I have nowhere to go now. I'm stuck where I am, I've buried myself too deep...

oh dear...

2011-02-27T19:36:00.000-08:00

So the whole single thing didn't really work out haha

I'm dating a guy two years younger than me, and he's amazing; I couldn't ask for a better guy >.<...except there is one BIG problem...

He's got a clingy ex-girlfriend, so yeah maybe this is normal, but she only b*tches at him and complains. She even tries to blame him for not having friends, which is a total lie because she is always surrounded by her friends. It stresses him out so much, he says that it's the biggest stress factor in his life.

What's worse about it, is that she doesn't even realize what she's doing to him...

I hate this...my friend has it worse though...

My friend's boyfriend always talks with his ex-girlfriends, yet he says he hates them. He even hangs out with them too...one of them said that they would break up with their current boyfriend to get back together with him. The ex claims to have a "special" bond with him...PULEEZE...this is high school! What happens in high school usually doesn't go any farther than that...except in those that defy the odds.

This is so frustrating...it's made the week so stressful and depressing.

Oh well, Shorty signing off...

So much for keeping up with my blog...>.<.

2010-12-12T07:19:00.000-08:00

I've been really bad at keeping stuff posted and stuff, I'll try to better. Though I say that now haha, I just can never think of anything to write about unfortunately. Oh well, I guess I can start by putting up a picture of a Korean Hottie! ^.^

So Hot! .>.<.
=> Xiah from DBSK <3

Seriously contemplating on staying single...

2010-10-21T14:45:00.001-07:00

Just gonna rant in this post, sorry, you've been warned.

So this started around the time I got back from vacation, which was around the middle of August. My boyfriend was convinced that I had "changed" since I came back, which I think isn't true. He claims that I'm acting different and that I'm not my usual self. I know he doesn't know the truth because he doesn't know who I really am, I found I'm good at lying to certain people about who I really am; he was one of them. So he kept going on and on about that and then when I started school he claimed that we didn't see each other enough. For him it was; you had to see each other at least 2-3 times a week, which is ridiculous. Our schedules don't match up since he works like all day and I can't see him in the evenings because I'm studying for school. He still complains, so he said that we should take a break. I was actually relieved, it gave me time to think, so now I realize that I don't like him that way anymore. I actually may have never liked him, I know I said "I love you" to him but I think it was because he said "I love you" to me after a few weeks of dating. I'm only in high school so I don't want too much of a commitment, probably later on in life since my goal is to travel the world to work, and I can't have a family or anything else that will hold me down. I only have a sister and a bunch of cousins, which is okay because when I get older I don't have to see them everyday and it wouldn't hurt their feelings. In fact, I don't see them very often now, I see my sister everyday but most of the time we don't even talk to each other. It doesn't mean I hate my sister though, I really do love her and my mom and dad but they are family, not a boyfriend, kids or a husband. Now whenever we talk, he just brings up on how I'm different and himself. For example, I told him what colleges were my number colleges because he asked and when I said I wanted to go to the farthest one, he commented back saying, "just want to distance yourself from me and your family" this happens every time. I'm sick of it, I really want to tell him to back off and that I'm never getting back together with him. I probably should do that in person though, and not over text like he did when he said we should take a break. Why do relationships have to be so complicated for me?

I'm sorry for this rant, I just needed to get it off my chest. It probably doesn't make sense either, sorry again. Hope you all have better luck with love than me.

Rain and Iron?!?! :P

2010-10-17T19:19:00.000-07:00

Korean Word of the Day:

다림질 (darimjil)[da-rim-jil]

iron

Korean Hottie:

BI!! (Rain)

PLUS: He's got a pretty good looking body too!! >.< That's all for today, good night internet world!! <3

Korean Word of the Day and Korean Hottie!!

2010-10-16T18:00:00.000-07:00

So I'm gonna try having a Korean word of the day (which will be really random) along with a Korean Hottie!!

Korean Word of the Day!

전원 (jeonwon)

on/off

Korean Hottie!

Jonghyun from SHINee

Well that's all for today!! Good night!! <3

3 Day Weekend!!!

2010-10-14T14:38:00.000-07:00

Finally, I have a 3 day weekend!! I have so much on my mind; applying for college and high school. Such a stressful year, it doesn't help when I keep watching Korean Dramas. :P

So I have finished watching Coffee Prince, and the main guy, Han Kyul (Gong Yoo) is so hot!!

Point proven ~^.^~

That's all for today, my sis is kicking me off the computer. >.<

Wow Its Been Forever

2010-10-09T11:36:00.000-07:00

So its been like a year since I last posted, I kinda forgot about this honestly. Maybe its been 2 years since I'm now a senior in high school now.

So I'm trying to teach myself Korean (not working out very well though) by watching Korean dramas, reality shows, etc. I first stared watching Hello Baby! with SHINee. It was so cute!! The baby that they were suppose to raise was so adorable!! I started to watch after I saw a random episode as I was looking up SHINee stuff. SHINee had been my latest obession. Jonghyun is my favorite, Taemin is adorable, hard to believe Taemin is younger than I am.

Since Hello Baby is over, I now watch Playful Kiss which has Kim Hyun Joong from SS501. I think that he's definitely the better looking group member. I like SS501 but none of them really look good. But that's just my opinion. I think Playful Kiss is hilarious though, it's basically about a girl that has a really big crush on the smartest kid in her school. The only problem is, is that she is one of the dumbest kids there.

Anyway, that all I've got time to write for now, tonight is our school's fall homecoming. Gotta go and get ready. Fun stuff...not really.

wat a horrible week!!

2009-03-12T15:11:00.000-07:00

its been a horrible week so far!! im a sophmore so i hav to take the graduation tests all week and i hav been studying for it all week!! but the tests are a complete joke!! nothing that i hav studied were on the test, the stuff on the test were the easyist stuff ever!! if i do not have advanced in all the subjects i think i might cry. It would mean im stupid or something or i did not read the question or something. Yeh its a high expectation, but i also want the benefits for having advanced in all the subject. An extra exam exemption, free parking, a personal day and a 10% grade increase. Man, i could definetly use that 10% thing. especially in english, i have a B in that class, yeh i know it does not sound that bad but i hav azn parents so, yeh that is considered bad.

This Friday it movie night at my friends house and its gonna be so much fun! We were planning to go to a sushi place, and that place is AMAZING!! we went there after districts instead of going to steak-n-shake with the rest of the girl's team. There is like a divider within the girls team, there is already a divider inbetween the guys and girls, but i had not noticed the divider between the girls until the last few weeks of swimming. Anyway, i was thinking of bringing the DARK KNIGHT for a movie choice. That movie is TOTALLY AWESOME!! i could watch 100 times and never get tired of it. The movie is great, the acting is pretty good, but im not the best person to ask, unless the acting is really really bad and/or someone points it out to me. anyway, its getting late, guess ill stop by some other time!! hasta luego!

no title cause short_azn cant think of one!! lol

2009-03-03T15:40:00.000-08:00

wahh! so i didnt write everyday...but i hav a legitament reason...my computer wouldnt let me go on the internet, it would just say that there was a virus and my comp was going to crash blah blah blah...anyway i fixed everything now and got a better antivirus (note: dont let ur uncle take ur comp to a guy that is a "professional" itll just mess ur comp up even more...ur better off doing it urself or have someone that U know do it for u...and maybe that is ur uncle). But yeh...after we got the comp back, even when we didnt ask for them to take it, it came back with so many problems it was just a mess. They took our comp too and couldnt do anything with it even if they said it was possible. so yeh, never ever giving my computer to him ever again, i dont care what they say, id rather give it to my friend who probably knows just as much, or the Geek Squad. But yeh anyway, fixed the computer, then installed a new antivirus that i no will protect my comp. So hopefully i will nvr hav to hav this problem again. Ah, dinners calling lol..i g2g ttyl!! (^_^)

OMG!!!

2009-02-26T13:13:00.000-08:00

short_azn finally got a job (that is if i do all the requirements that i need by a certain date) but still SHORT_AZN GOT THE JOB!!! lol anyway besides that today was like everyday. Me being a naive person about my feelings.

yeh i THINK i like someone, but me being me, im not sure if its a brotherly love or a like like thing. i mean we talk all the time, he waits at my locker w/ me when i put my books back and vice versa though not very often because he doesnt really go to his locker too much...but im not exactly sure...

anyway time for orchestra rehersal!! ciao amigos!!

interview

2009-02-25T17:01:00.000-08:00

wahhh!! so today i had an interview for a lifeguard job at one of our community pools and the interview took only about 15 min! it seemed like the answers that i was giving to my interviewer was making her impressed but im still really nervous!! they're suppose to email by tomm but ive bn told that like everyone gets hired that applies for the job. But im still really nervous

lol...sry this post was like all about the interview but thats all i think about right now!! its really eating me up with suspension!! anway thats all i can write today...ill write again tomm to tell if i got the job or not. toodles!! (^_^)

HI!!!

2009-02-24T14:21:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone!! Its short_azn in the house!! lol...so anyway...this is my new blog since i had forgotten the email adn password to my old one (just a little bit of an airhead...ok maybe alot...). So anyway alot has happened since the last time i ever got on here.
Swimming is finally over...i went all the way to Districts with my team but thats as far as i got lol. But there were two guys that did make it to states so GOOD LUCK TO THEM!! (^_^) So in orchestra a few weeks ago we had seating auditions and man i did really REALLY bad lol. I had actually practiced the wrong thing, so when i went into the audition room i ended up playing the wrong thing and had to do everything by sight reading, and if you are not a music person or dont know what sight reading is, it is a bad thing to do in an audition. BUT im not upset that i would angry or anything, it was my fault in the first place so what could i do?
But this week is like major drama week especially when i heard one of my good friends had gone to the hospital. Lets call him Tom, anyway Tom supposedly had tried to commit suicide and was in the hospital. Im not sure if thats true or not but something is definietly wrong b/c i didnt see him at Districts for swimming. This is a problem because he is a freaking BEAST at the butterfly. I had also heard that he wasnt getting along with his mom, who is a really nice person, i personally like her. Tom also dislikes his step-dad, yeh i know what youre thinking step-dad of course he doesnt like him, but Tom i dont think has ever known his biological father. His mom had him when she was 18. His dad is really supportive too, i dont remember not seeing him at a swim meet. Tom had also supposedly started to cut himself and smoke weed, its really hard to find things out when we go to different schools. But im really worried about him. I hope he wakes up to see all the ppl that care about him.
Anyway, unfortunately that is all the time i have today, i will try to be more consistent in coming on more often and leaving posts. Bye-bye for now!! (^_^)